When you look at your beloved child and see in him all those unattractive qualities that are so annoying and outrageous in other people’s children, the heart begins to pound with its own helplessness and panic. Any parental request causes the preschooler to be hysterical with lying on the floor or complete indifference. And teenage children to a fair parental request, for example, to help clean the apartment, may answer: “I do not want. Clean yourself.” Children are often rude to relatives and peers, can do very ugly.
What to do? How to deal with a naughty child? For advice, we turned to Zhytomyr psychologist Natalia Sidorenok.
Is it the parents’ fault?
First of all, you should try to look at the situation from the side and analyze whether you (parents) could be the cause of such behavior of the child.
It happens that the family is dominated by mom (or dad), who decides everything herself and absolutely does not listen to the opinion of his other “half”. The child sees this perfectly and takes an example: he completely ignores the other parent, and none of his requests and persuasions matter to him. And then he realizes that he himself can be the main thing, so in the same way he begins to ignore the head of the family, that is, does not listen to anyone but himself. And this is the fault of the parents.
It often happens that parents from birth are too caring for the child, fulfill all his wishes and try not to upset. If a child wants something and is not given it, he immediately gets hysterical – and the parent’s heart can not stand: all the whims of the child are immediately fulfilled. The child becomes so accustomed to being the center of the universe that he no longer responds to the remarks, arguments and instructions of parents. In addition, if a child is not punished for anything from the earliest childhood, attributing to the fact that she is “still small and simply does not understand”, then you will not be able to bring him to justice and make him responsible for his actions.
The opposite situation happens: if a child has been scolded for every mistake, punished, threatened and morally humiliated since childhood, it is not surprising if he tries to do everything against his father and mother, and with age, angry at his parents, he feels nothing for them. , in addition to complete rejection and anger. The tyranny of parents has never been beneficial.
Another huge mistake of parents – raising a child “in the mood.” For example, if Dad is in a bad mood, he will punish for a bad grade and make him go to bed at nine in the evening. And tomorrow, when he is in a good mood, he will not pay attention to bad grades and will allow to walk on the street till 11 o’clock in the evening, and then together with the child will watch football on TV. The same applies to the mother: today she scolds the child for eating too many sweets, and tomorrow she puts a pocket full of candy. In this situation, the child adapts to changes in the mood of adults and learns to manipulate the mood of relatives for their own benefit.
Parents can demand obedience from the child, but when the child sees that the father and mother themselves violate the established rules, they cease to be an authority for her. For example, parents can tell their child for a long time about the dangers of smoking and at the same time smoke secretly. Explain how ugly to use obscene language, but use it in their speech. And it happens that parents simply withdraw from the upbringing of their difficult teenager, citing the fact that it is the work of educators in kindergarten and teachers at school, and they just never do it … It is clear that in such a situation the child very quickly becomes unmanageable.
What can affect a child’s behavior?
Parents should carefully study the books that the child reads and the movies that he likes to watch. A child can simply follow the example of their characters. For example, try to copy the behavior of a wolf from the cartoon “Well, wait a minute”, or Pippi Longstocking, Carlson, who liked to misbehave and do whatever he wanted. However, parents should talk calmly with the child, analyze the behavior of the characters and explain that these are just fairy-tale characters, and in life such behavior often leads to trouble.
Older children play computer games for long hours, where aggression is encouraged, and their eyes change, becoming the heroes of their games. It is clear that this is not the main reason for the change in behavior, most likely, there are deeper problems that parents do not suspect. However, violent games add fuel to the fire and contribute to the manifestation of those qualities that upset and even frighten parents. Therefore, it is necessary to limit the time of such games and draw the child’s attention to other activities.
Take a look at your child’s friends, his surroundings at school, in the yard, in the sports section. Perhaps she is humiliated, laughed at, teased, and she tries to be different in order to stand up for herself: impudent, disobedient and cruel. And perhaps the child has an object to follow – the leader of the company, which is feared by all others and ready to carry out all his orders. A leader can boast that his parents do not give him a decree and he is his own head.
In this situation, it is useful to capture the child with an interesting hobby, even if it will require significant financial costs. But if the child is happy to do his favorite thing: cycling, surfing, learning to sew fashionable clothes or take cool photos – his thoughts will be aimed at achieving his goal, he will be able to realize himself and increase his self-esteem.
Love your children
And parents should analyze their own behavior and draw conclusions. First, you need to pay more attention to the child: go with her to the park, forest, fishing, movies. The child should feel needed and loved. Second, take an interest in her life, her friends, her successes and failures. Third, to recognize the child’s right to his own opinion and actions at his own discretion, but at the same time to discuss the limits of his responsibility. For example, if your daughter wants to wear a new and elegant sports suit on a hike in the woods, let her, but on the condition that she will wash it later, and if she breaks it, no one will buy her a new suit. Fourth, praise children for their achievements, even minor ones. Praise inspires, adds self-confidence, and the child strives to achieve even greater results.
Parents must clearly explain to the child that it is strictly forbidden: to beat and insult other children, to shout and call them names, to be rude to parents, grandparents or educators (teachers), to break and spoil other people’s things, to take them without permission and so on. It is necessary to discuss in advance the punishment for such acts (put in a corner, ban the use of the computer for a week, take the phone, etc.), and in no case forgive the child if she is very guilty, otherwise she will have a sense of impunity, and then it will be much harder to deal with her bad behavior. If you let everything drift, then disobedience, rudeness and permissiveness can lead to a serious crime, and this is a broken life, in addition, not only the child but also family members.
Tags: psychologist, Parenting, child, naughty, raise, Natalia Sidorenok
